How Can I Get My Husband to Improve Himself?

Q: My husband and I are married almost a year. We fight and argue constantly and he says that he feels that I oppose him and do not appreciate him. I wish that he would read your book, “The Mystery of Marriage” so that he would know how to relate to me and to the spiritual aspect of our marriage. Often I think that marrying him was a huge mistake. Please, how can I get him to improve himself?

 

A: As you know, the beginning period of marriage requires a good deal of adjustment, which is perfectly normal. (This adjustment actually continues over the years on a more subtle level.) Both of you need to infuse your marriage with large amounts of good will and firm determination to overcome your emotional difficulties and to make your marriage a happy one. One important component in achieving this goal is to accept your husband as he is at this time. Believe that he is doing the best he can with the tools that he has at his disposal. Having your husband study The Mystery of Marriage, (or better yet, studying it  together) is a goal that may take some time to achieve. If your husband says that he feels as if you are opposing him, accept that this is something for you to work on. No matter how much he reads The Mystery of Marriage, he cannot internalize and actualize the beautiful goals there if he feels that he does not measure up in your eyes, or that you think negatively of him.

If you want him to see you as his helpmate and not as opposition, you need to first see yourself as such, and respond to him with patience and acceptance. When he does something to please you, tell him how much you appreciate it and how happy it makes you. Build his confidence in himself that he can make you happy. Slowly and patiently, you can help him to adjust to your more spiritual expectations of married life. Make a concentrated effort to become close to each other on an inner level, with mutual understanding and consideration. Although this requires time, patience and courage, if both of you are determined to truly work on your marriage, you can surely rectify your situation. Remember that there is nothing that can stand against a person’s will.

 

Photo by Sarah Kilian on Unsplash

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